Tag Archives: fear

Excellent Points

Everything Matters: Beyond Meds

We perceive the world in a particular way and confidently expect it to conform to its appearance. But we fail to recognize that certain aspects of the ‘reality’ that appear to us are nothing but figments of our own imagination. In this confusion a conflict ensues between the world as it is and the world as we believe it to be. And the more we insist on our infallibility, the more frustrated we become as the actual world again and again stubbornly refuses to live up to our expectations.Stephen Batchelor from Alone with Others: An Existential Approach to Buddhism

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What works? Finding what works for you.

How do you find what works for you?

This post might be all over the place, so please accept my apology now.

In these recent learning times of clarity, contrast and trying to get to know myself better, I often struggle with not knowing what works and what doesn’t. We are in an information age, overwhelmed with options. If you google any subject at all, I’m almost positive you will get 100’s if not 1000’s of results. So where do you start???

Well, this post for me is about trying to relax, trying to figure out whats right, what to believe, what to read, what to practice, and what to think (or not think).

I think I have come to a conclusion (through much research, and much prayer).

I believe it is a combination of methods, teachers, writings.

How I came to this belief was through prayer.

Let me explain. I have been struggling with anxiety, anxiety attacks, a 1/4 life crisis (if you will), irrational emotions, fears, scared if I am where I am supposed to be, who I am supposed to be with and doing what I am supposed to be doing…which has lead me to quite a bit of fear, apprehension, and lack of self-confidence of where to turn.

So, I got on my knees the other night and prayed to God. I said “God, I know this internal conflict is there to push me, maybe to unrealized potential, but frankly, I really have no idea who to listen to, what to read or where to start, please offer me some of your guidance, or Thy will, not mine be done”.

Now, maybe this is my own fault from being such a ‘scanner’ and looking up every single positive thinker/writer/way to relax I can think of, because God forbid I miss out on something, lol.

Anyway, something shortly after my prayer told me to make a list of ways/things I have found that help me relax, find my calling, get me back in touch with me or whatever, so here it goes:

Expressing emotions – maybe built up, or ones I’ve never felt before, but careful not to get stuck and dwell on them.

Thinking more positive – instead of habitually focusing on the negative of a situation, the vicious circle if you will, waiting for an attack, etc.

Faith in GOD – This is probably the most important one for me. To have faith, trust in something bigger than myself. Have a KNOWING that any situation brought into my life is something I can handle, with God. Especially in times of fear of the unknown.

Accepting my Past – it is what it is. It happened. I am not saying what happened is OK, but accepting that it did happen.

Writing – As a form of releasing, getting some of these thoughts out, this also can be a good tool to keep track of the good things that happen.

Breathing – Practising just focusing on my breathing. In and out; through my abdominal. Clearing my mind.

Gratitude – Not an attitude of lack, but focusing on what is! Even things like the sun rising, the heat in my car on a cold commute in, anything, something 🙂

I.P.B.I.R – “Infinite patience brings immediate results” – Wayne Dyer. This quote, for me is about letting go. Imagine the best version of you, the happiest most content you, how you’d walk, talk, feel if completely content. Now let go of the attachment to demanding that it happen now. It feels good, like it’s already here.

Making Painful Connections – Connecting irrational fears, emotions to either my past, or just simply because I am so used to struggles, I am creating one. It’s partly owning my responsibility and partly so then I may release it, and know peace is coming, peace is here.

Not Comparing – I have to stop measuring my progress, and coping strategies to what works for others. It is completely separate and doesn’t even matter. There is no one standard, no normal, as soon as I catch myself doing this, I switch to gratitude.

Helping others – Passing on knowledge of painful lessons I have had, or even simple tasks. Sometimes just getting out of my own head works wonders.

Asking Myself Questions – It’s sort of like speaking to the little ‘child’ inside of me, who may be scared, maybe she didn’t receive enough love when she was young. Like ‘Why is this scary to you?’ ‘What does it remind you of?’ This often helps me to remember history is NOT repeating itself, and that this event is separate. If an answer does not come to me right away, that’s ok too. Sometimes just acknowledging this is enough for now.

Excercise – This one is important! It’s good for my mind, gets me in the present moment, and greatly reduces stress hormones such as cortisol/adrenaline. It’s like a cleanse for your nervous system, and important to get those toxins out. Even if its yoga, pilates, full on cardio, anything.

Passion/Hobby – For me, my #1 Passion is drag racing. But if I cannot drag race at this moment, and my mind is just going crazy, I will go out to the garage, find something to tinker with, organize or clean. Before long, I am pretty peaceful and forgotten what was even bothering me.

I found, when I asked what works was, quite a few of these examples were being repeated in things I read, people I talked to etc, so I think of those as signs, of what is being repeated to me, they are hints!

More personal insights

What a journey.

Isn’t it interesting the more you find out about yourself, the less you know!

I have recently gained clarity in areas that previously lacked. Clarity on behaviors, reactions, emotions that I think have always been there, but I didn’t pay attention to much of the why they were there. All I knew is I thought everything around me was making me feel unhappy, discontent and generally miserable.

I have always struggled with anxiety, all my life, and always hated it. Why did I have so much anxiety? No one else around me/my family seems to. This anxiety led me to be able barely function in the past.

Whats facinating is I am learning my anxiety goes back to my childhood and abandonment issues. For the first time in my life I have stability, starting to lay roots, and no threat of abandonment, and as it turns out my anxiety is an internal struggle of dissatisfaction; I am not sure how to live with stability, having never had it, so anxiety is like a cry for help, it’s saying ‘pay attention! something is out of alignment!’

I heard a quote, which reminds me of this struggle that I love: “I am grateful for the contrast in my life, as it pushes me to my true needs and desires.”

I find this true. There needs to be some level of discomfort in order to change, grow or progress.

I am seeing these irrational emotional responses unfold in my life now, instead of them happening to me, and me being left in a state of fear, panic and uncertainty.

Now, what I was hoping for was, once I learned of my deep abandonment issues, and finally having stability that these reactions would stop happening. No such luck yet. But I am grateful for the wisdom in seeing them for what they are a whole lot sooner than ever…progress, not perfection.

It is nice to feel like I have the missing key to why I have been so anxious for the last few years, and discontent.

I have also discovered I have not made myself a priority, maybe through fear of what I would find, having to sit with myself. I focused completely on external validation, love and acceptance. Something I am learning I need to be able to provide for myself.

Which leads me to the how. I think it is partly to have faith in trust in God, yourself, and your life. I googled ‘trust’ because, I wasn’t sure how to even start…

I stumbled across: “Trust: to believe in the ability of (something/someone)”. I like that. That I can comprehend.

I am also on a discovery of self-love. What is it? Where do I start?
One thing I keep hearing over and over from people like Anthony Robbins and Abraham Hicks, is to start with your thinking. The negative thinking.

I cannot believe how negative I was, some of the thought patterns I found myself habitually using were: catastrophizing, what ifs, emotional reasoning, seeing everything in black/white only and so on.

What else was interesting to me, is my fears (False Evidence Appearing Real) would seem completely feasible, but when they were diffused, I would immediately come up with another, which at times were ridiculous.

So my lesson I believe is it is just old, negative thought patterns I have developed over 30 years, and might take a while to reverse this habit, like any bad habit.

I do know I feel a lot better when I keep my mind grateful, on abundance not lack.

Which leads me to one more point. Not only do I have stability for the first time in my life, I also subsequently have everything I have asked for as well, that keeps me grateful!

Turning 30 and a whole lot more

What an interesting year. I turned 30 and realized I am not where I thought I would be, and FREAKED.

For a better part of this year, I really didn’t know what was wrong with me, all I knew is I felt an unfathomable
amount of fear, doom, and anxiety. And it scared me, maybe I am going crazy?

Then I discovered just how negative my thoughts have become and how frequent.

I have found I love the works of Dr Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, Abraham-Hicks, Eckhart Tolle just to name a few, and the secret.

But what I never did was put any of this into practice. I would read & hear about negative thinking and its effects, agree with what they said about creating a reality through our minds and expectations but almost didn’t believe my mind was that powerful. I mean, I am going through some deep sh*t right now! Aren’t I?

Well, what I am beginning to grasp, is what if it’s possible; just possible. What if it’s possible my mind & thoughts can contribute to my negative reality. That’s worth taking a look into, or perhaps even some effort to change, because where I am right now is not working.

I began to ask myself questions, internal questions. Like, what is it I want to do with my life? Where do I want to be? How much do I want to make? And most importantly, what is my life’s true purpose?

I have recently been using affirmations and incantations I have read about, like “The infinite intelligence of my subconscious mind will reveal my true purpose in life”. Or “I am one with God and God is everything”.

I have found if I take just a moments focus off whatever fear I am feeling and if I repeat these; my state of being does improve.

What’s interesting that I am learning now is just how many negative thoughts and fears I have. I expect the worst, think the worst and wonder why I feel this way.

And now that I am catching them more often, it seems there are way more of them! Just being conscious to them is incredible…like they know I am telling them to get out, for good!

I also found out recently what I feel to be my life’s calling. Helping others use the power of their subconscious mind and get over anxiety for good.

Both negative emotions/thoughts (or as my brother calls them ‘negemos’ I love that!) and anxiety have played a role in a lot of destruction in my life. And I am finally able to gain some clarity and shut this stuff down. I was talking to a friend’s Saturday night, offering advice if you will; and it just hit me. I went on about what I have learned, and how it’s helped me for almost 3 hours! It was surreal, like it wasn’t even me speaking. I was excited! And enthusiastic! She was nearly in tears and thanked me for sharing with her.

I then realized right then and there, this is what I want to do.

Now, how do I go about it… I figured I will post here.

For me to stay connected and hopefully for anyone else who may benefit 🙂