How do you find what works for you?
This post might be all over the place, so please accept my apology now.
In these recent learning times of clarity, contrast and trying to get to know myself better, I often struggle with not knowing what works and what doesn’t. We are in an information age, overwhelmed with options. If you google any subject at all, I’m almost positive you will get 100’s if not 1000’s of results. So where do you start???
Well, this post for me is about trying to relax, trying to figure out whats right, what to believe, what to read, what to practice, and what to think (or not think).
I think I have come to a conclusion (through much research, and much prayer).
I believe it is a combination of methods, teachers, writings.
How I came to this belief was through prayer.
Let me explain. I have been struggling with anxiety, anxiety attacks, a 1/4 life crisis (if you will), irrational emotions, fears, scared if I am where I am supposed to be, who I am supposed to be with and doing what I am supposed to be doing…which has lead me to quite a bit of fear, apprehension, and lack of self-confidence of where to turn.
So, I got on my knees the other night and prayed to God. I said “God, I know this internal conflict is there to push me, maybe to unrealized potential, but frankly, I really have no idea who to listen to, what to read or where to start, please offer me some of your guidance, or Thy will, not mine be done”.
Now, maybe this is my own fault from being such a ‘scanner’ and looking up every single positive thinker/writer/way to relax I can think of, because God forbid I miss out on something, lol.
Anyway, something shortly after my prayer told me to make a list of ways/things I have found that help me relax, find my calling, get me back in touch with me or whatever, so here it goes:
Expressing emotions – maybe built up, or ones I’ve never felt before, but careful not to get stuck and dwell on them.
Thinking more positive – instead of habitually focusing on the negative of a situation, the vicious circle if you will, waiting for an attack, etc.
Faith in GOD – This is probably the most important one for me. To have faith, trust in something bigger than myself. Have a KNOWING that any situation brought into my life is something I can handle, with God. Especially in times of fear of the unknown.
Accepting my Past – it is what it is. It happened. I am not saying what happened is OK, but accepting that it did happen.
Writing – As a form of releasing, getting some of these thoughts out, this also can be a good tool to keep track of the good things that happen.
Breathing – Practising just focusing on my breathing. In and out; through my abdominal. Clearing my mind.
Gratitude – Not an attitude of lack, but focusing on what is! Even things like the sun rising, the heat in my car on a cold commute in, anything, something 🙂
I.P.B.I.R – “Infinite patience brings immediate results” – Wayne Dyer. This quote, for me is about letting go. Imagine the best version of you, the happiest most content you, how you’d walk, talk, feel if completely content. Now let go of the attachment to demanding that it happen now. It feels good, like it’s already here.
Making Painful Connections – Connecting irrational fears, emotions to either my past, or just simply because I am so used to struggles, I am creating one. It’s partly owning my responsibility and partly so then I may release it, and know peace is coming, peace is here.
Not Comparing – I have to stop measuring my progress, and coping strategies to what works for others. It is completely separate and doesn’t even matter. There is no one standard, no normal, as soon as I catch myself doing this, I switch to gratitude.
Helping others – Passing on knowledge of painful lessons I have had, or even simple tasks. Sometimes just getting out of my own head works wonders.
Asking Myself Questions – It’s sort of like speaking to the little ‘child’ inside of me, who may be scared, maybe she didn’t receive enough love when she was young. Like ‘Why is this scary to you?’ ‘What does it remind you of?’ This often helps me to remember history is NOT repeating itself, and that this event is separate. If an answer does not come to me right away, that’s ok too. Sometimes just acknowledging this is enough for now.
Excercise – This one is important! It’s good for my mind, gets me in the present moment, and greatly reduces stress hormones such as cortisol/adrenaline. It’s like a cleanse for your nervous system, and important to get those toxins out. Even if its yoga, pilates, full on cardio, anything.
Passion/Hobby – For me, my #1 Passion is drag racing. But if I cannot drag race at this moment, and my mind is just going crazy, I will go out to the garage, find something to tinker with, organize or clean. Before long, I am pretty peaceful and forgotten what was even bothering me.
I found, when I asked what works was, quite a few of these examples were being repeated in things I read, people I talked to etc, so I think of those as signs, of what is being repeated to me, they are hints!